Make Me Smile, I Dare You

 ‘Coming Out’ of the Shadows

 

“I can't fuck with these niggas 'cause niggas is gay”

-- Pop Smoke: Circa 2019. 

 

Now, as a Bi-Racial and Bi-Sexual 20-year-old male, mindful of my own privileges and short-comings, I must pose a serious yet ironic question of morality: Is Pop Smoke a “homophobic-bigot” as much as I am a “fake-ass snowflake.” 

 

I mean, shieeet, I used to walk into my frat house bopping “Dior” on my knock-off AirPods, mentally processing how I can go another day without screaming “I HATE edm music,” or “Yo bro, I just went out on a date with a dude, and I kinda liked it”. Am I just a fake af liberal “snowflake,” or am I “woke.” Am I just as fake as Pop Smoke comes off to be?

            

            Obviously not; We’re both tight as fuck. But many people seem to have an opinion of who we are without actually making a single gesture of curiosity into our life or unique experiences. Some people seem to take my “soft” cries for help as a “weakness” or “trend.” Sometimes, I have such a hard time navigating through all the toxic, fake, superficial bullshit...that I even forget who I am & what I care about. 

 

Ha, well, I... AM... TIRED.

 

            While some people complain about not being able to breathe through their mask, George Floyd’s (17) echoing cries for help, “I Can’t Breathe,” were choked out in 8 minutes with “common sense” police-use-of-force. While some people get so worked up arguing what form of protest is best, Black-American communities in “post-Hurricane Katrina”  have been fed up with being stereotyped and judged as “thieves” and “anarchists.” While a lot of y’all pretend like you know and feel me, there’s a good chance that you don’t really really feel me. 

 

            For those that have misconceptions of who I am, I’ll serve it to you hot ‘n ready/no bullshit. I’m living a dope ass life with lit friends, loving lesbian moms, a fucking loud twin brother, and logical relationships with people. Oh, and get this-- I am SO blessed and SO  privileged to have been gifted SO much love from them all:

 

Just enough love to not crush the soulful will to hate myself and everyone around me, 

Just enough encouragement and small gestures to push me through another 

reality cut with crap. 

Just enough authenticity to make me believe in the “real” existence of the ‘American Dream’.

 

My weakness--or rather, my newly perceived super power--is my true identity. 

My identity is nurtured not from anyone’s superficial concept of who I am, or what I ought to be. My identity is made from my own self-evident truths 

 

“that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among those are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” 

 

Lastly, to anyone that has felt wronged by me or my actions, just know that I share that deep ~feeling~ of pain and remorse. I have a problem when not everyone likes me, but how can we turn our woes into riches if I can’t even love myself and my woes. 

 

I need help. And I’ll make the assumption that you people are humans too.

 

So can we just, like, I don't know…

Try to help each other out and not make each other’s life actual ‘Hell on Earth’. Hello!!! Nice guys shouldn’t have to finish last. The full truth to someone or something is out there, but only if we ~at least~ try to look for it. 

 

 

Hopefully y'all bought them new pairs of 20/20 “shadow vision” goggles. Because, I’m tryna make it crystal clear. I am not a “Bezerkeley-token-jock-lightskin-fag”. I am Zachary Patrick (fucking shit up) Neff. Best put some respect on my (fam’s) name. 

 

 

Say it with me now:

 

She like the way that I dance

She like the way that I move

She like the way that I rock

She like the way that I woo”

-- Pop Smoke: Circa 2019.